How To Stop Absorbing Other People’s Energy

Mary Kay ParkinsonEmotional And Mental Health, Energy Healing11 Comments

  HSPs frequently ask me how to protect themselves from other people’s energy.  I always tell them that there is no quick and easy answer. People are frequently looking for a shield or want to learn how to create an energy bubble.  The truth is, if you know your own issues, then other people’s issues can’t stay attached to you, or not for long.  You need to do your personal work. For me, that personal work involved many years of therapy.  I loved this process because as an HSP I enjoy looking inside and sorting out what I find.  I had been depressed for most of my life until I took the time to go through this deep inner process that helped to clarify and reframe my issues and experiences.  Out of that inner work I developed a deep capacity to protect myself through being centered in myself and therefore naturally knowing (or being able to sort out) what belongs to me and what belongs to someone else.  I also grew to love myself and my sensitivity, as well as trust in my own heart to guide me. Inner Work Will Help You To Stop Absorbing Other People’s Energy Recently I saw an exceptional video by Ralph Smart on how to stop absorbing other people’s energy. Have a look! He gave the best answer to “How to stop absorbing other people’s energy” that I have ever heard.  I like his video because he doesn’t try to oversimplify the process, and yet gets right to the heart of the core issues involved, including loving yourself.   And here is a summary of what Ralph has to say: Remember you can’t please everyone.  Accept that not everyone is going to like you.  Once you get past that, then you can stop absorbing … Read More

Love Your Defenses!

Maria HillEmotional And Mental Health, Personal Development, Social Anxiety0 Comments

So many defenses. I feel like my life is often about bumping into defenses of one kind or another. Dealing with defenses feels like walking through a field of hay.  With each step you meet  a new stalk(defense) that obscures your vision and parts as you walk only to reveal a new defense. Often the defenses I bump into are the defenses of other people. I dislike bumping into them because in doing so the relationships changes – often not for the better. When defenses show themselves, the relationship door usually closes even if only for a moment and we realize we are not welcome. That happens to highly sensitive people a lot. Of course, sometime defenses are our own because we get hurt and our healing is not easy. What Are Defense Mechanisms? According to Dictionary, a defense mechanism is an unconscious process, like denial, that protects an individual from unacceptable or painful ideas or impulses. Defenses are a way for us to: like ourselves in painful circumstances make sense of something that does not work for us  taking care of ourselves. Defenses can sometime be a kind of denial. Denial has a bad reputation because it is interpreted to mean that there is something wrong with you, that your are too weak to face the truth about something. Denial like all defenses are often meant to protect us from a shock to our systems, and sense of loss that we are unable to process and handle. Defenses Can Create A Healing Space I respect defenses even if I consider them to be toxic sometimes; I understand that they have a purpose. In the case of people who have suffered a serious trauma they can be life saving by creating a space for the healing process. I don’t think anyone should be denied their healing space. We highly sensitive people are often harmed, … Read More

Why HSPs Have Trouble With Controlling People

Maria HillCreativity, Emotional And Mental Health22 Comments

If you are alive, you have met controlling people. Controlling people can drive anyone crazy, but If you are a highly sensitive person, you may find the effect of controlling very difficult to live with. Controlling people can certainly have that effect on me. Controlling people will probably not understand why their behavior is problematic for you, the HSP. Each HSP, however, needs to understand that controlling people can be very bad for their health. Why Do People Control? Most people only want to be happy. Many believe that controlling themselves and others is a method to achieve the desired result of happiness. Some of the reasons people try to control others include: they have low amounts of trust possible because of negative experiences they think they are more competent they have deep seated prejudices about right and wrong they have been taught fear they perceive themselves as better and/or more “normal” than others  Controlling people sometimes assume that others want and need what they want and need. Although we all have needs and desires in common, over generalizing about other people is a mistake that controlling people often make. Controlling people often treat others as an extension of their needs and desires. In extreme cases, the person is narcissistic in demanding that they be catered to. So one reason that controlling people control is to get their needs met. The Hidden Agenda Of Controlling People It is fairly easy to recognize that controlling people are trying to get their needs met as we have discussed. Controlling behavior also has a social function: to maintain their comfort level which they do by enforcing social norms and conforming behavior. One thing I have noticed about controlling people is that they often have a wall around them. You can detect it in … Read More

Masking Our Sensitivity

Edward BonapartianCreativity, Emotional And Mental Health, HSP Traits12 Comments

It’s two days before Halloween as my wife and I head to our favorite Italian restaurant in the city.  Entering the foyer of the restaurant, I notice a message written on the chalkboard listing the night’s specials. In addition to mussels with plenty of garlic and Venetian zuppa de peoci soup, a psychic is also on the menu tonight. “This should be good”, I tell my wife as we walk through the dimly lit dining room to a booth along the far wall. I had recognized the psychic’s name written on the chalkboard; a local woman named Carol well known in the area for her accurate readings on a local radio show. Our antipasto has just been served as the nights entertainment begins. Sitting on a stool in the front of the room, I notice as Carol politely refuses an appetizer brought over by the owner stating that she doesn’t eat before reading for people. Noticing the owner’s surprise she explains that the food will make her sleepy and affect her energy. It was an awkward moment; the food in this restaurant was some of the best in the area and I don’t think the owner ever had one of his dishes refused especially when he decides to serve it to her personally. But she stayed true to herself; not letting social pressures distract her from the job at hand. Taking note of her behavior, I was pleased to see her actions embrace her identity. Our main course was served as Carol began to walk around the room, stopping at each table. Since we were sitting over by a far wall, we had pretty well finished our meal by the time she arrived. Talking to my wife first, she addressed some health and career concerns my wife had before turning … Read More

Unfreeze Those Feelings

Maria HillEmotional And Mental Health, Personal Development0 Comments

To a child all feelings may seem huge, since they feel so small – and are. Children are very natural about their feelings. They experience them and let them go. Unfortunately, it does not take long before we learn that our feelings are unwanted and inconvenient. Then we start to reject them and hold them in with all the negative effects that brings. What Happens To Our Feelings? Our feelings become objectified. We learn to treat them like objects at a store, some unwanted and others preferred as demonstrated to us by our families and educators. And so the stress starts. According to Yogi Amrit Desai, founder of Kripalu Yoga in a June, 2010 article in Natural Awakenings, Healing the Root Cause of Addiction with Ayurveda A Natural Cure for Unhealthy Dependence by Linda Sechrist,   “It is important to recognize that most people don’t know the difference between tension and stress… He observes that stressors—thoughts and reactions to our lifestyle, relationships, work environment and family life—are introduced through the ego mind. Emotionally charged thoughts and feelings of blame, shame or guilt then get metabolized into our biological body system. Stored in the form of toxins and neuro-glandular imbalances, these feelings create energy blocks that prevent the free flow of energy, or prana, the body’s self-healing wisdom. Energy blocks may take the form of muscular tensions and weakness in liver, kidney and digestive functions. Gradual decline results in a progressive deterioration of biological processes and consequently can manifest in external symptoms of fatigue, fear, anxiety and insecurity.” Essentially we are socialized to have certain emotions and reject others and our unwanted emotions then get stuck in our bodies and gradually make us sick. Why Rejecting Feelings Is A Mistake When we reject our feelings, we cannot own them and process them. When we are processing our feelings, we take them in, … Read More

Protect Your Life Force: Awareness For HSPs

Maria HillEmotional And Mental Health, Energy Healing0 Comments

Our life force is our energy. As a highly sensitive person, I am very energy sensitive as I am sure you are. Being energy sensitive means noticing the claims and demands on our energy from others. Protecting our life force and being good stewards of our life gift is our job. However being an HSP makes this a particularly challenging job. There are many ways to deal with interpersonal claims for our time and energy. One way is to be aware of ways in which someone can try to lay claim to our life force. Ways Of Laying Claim To The Life Force Of Another There are many ways to lay claim to the energies of another person. Some you will have experienced and others you may use yourself. This list is not exhaustive but it will help you notice when it is happening: expectations. This is one we all do at some point or another, perhaps even all the time. We form expectations and they then run our relationships. fear. One of the easiest ways to lay claim to another’s life force is by creating fear, or putting your fear on them. guilt. One of the big energy thieves of modern life, with guilt we put the burden of our life on someone else. promises. When we make promises and do not keep them, we are stealing someone else’s life force, by pretending a level of relationship that we are not willing to maintain. demands. When we make demands, we are being entitled to the time, energy and labor of another. values. Values are a very useful tool in managing our lives and commitments. However, when we impose our values on others we are demanding that they live on our terms. Even if we have great values, it is important to honor the dignity … Read More