The Value Of Mistakes

Maria HillCreativity, Emotional And Mental Health, Personal Development6 Comments

Mistakes are a no-no, even a taboo. That is unfortunate because they are very important and necessary. Without mistakes you cannot be in touch with and claim your own power. Embracing mistakes is a important if you want to come into your own as an HSP. The Hidden Benefit Of Mistakes According to Robert Fritz, author of the Path of Least Resistance and Creating, the creative process can be divided into three large phases: the idea or germination the development of the idea from concept to completion releasing the result Although we can make mistakes at any time and step of the process, mistakes are most valuable when we are in the development phase. Mistakes are an important part of the trial and error process that lets us engage with an idea and reality. They tell us when something is not working so that we can consider what to change. It is through mistakes not only that we learn, but also that we develop mastery over a subject. Mistakes are our path to our power and effectiveness in the world. How Mistakes Can Seem Like A Bad Idea Mistakes can seem like a bad idea, particularly to highly sensitive people. We do not like the negative feedback and we feel terrible when we have done harm to others. Our natural gifts can make it difficult for us to want to take any chances. Since we are often misperceived and misunderstood and our insights dismissed, it can seem as if we are taking big risks whenever we move forward. The Baggage Of Mistakes There are many misconceptions about mistakes that can create problems for us: mistakes are a matter of life and death. For early humans, mistakes may indeed have been a matter of life and death. However, those days are … Read More

Embrace Your Inner Troublemaker!

Maria HillEmotional And Mental Health, Personal Development, Stress6 Comments

Being a troublemaker is not something we necessarily associate with highly sensitive people, those gentle souls who are loath to hurt others. The label, troublemaker, is not something that we usually generate for ourselves either. It is usually conferred by others when they encounter something uncomfortable in themselves courtesy of another person. Have you ever been called a troublemaker or treated like one? Highly Sensitive And A Troublemaker? Highly sensitive people are usually very conscientious, cautious, perceptive and empathetic. Highly sensitive people often see what others cannot because they operate from an atypical perceptual reality. When people think differently, many assume that is is an ideological difference that is being expressed. In the case of HSPs, however, what is being expressed is a biological difference. Highly sensitive people have nervous systems that absorb all the stimulus and energy around them. Their nervous systems are like sponges, which makes them uncomfortable and other people as well. Highly sensitive people notice when someone is uncomfortable, sad or angry no matter how much someone attempts to hide their feelings. They notice when something is not working very well, differences in perception and reality, mistakes of judgment and an other energetic event. Highly sensitive people necessarily have values that support their sensitive natures including kindness and fairness. They are able to see the pitfalls in a competitive social structure and are unlikely to support the destructive aspects of it. People who do not understand the highly sensitive nature may feel uncomfortable around HSPs and even think of them as troublemakers. Characteristics Of Troublemakers Why would anyone be labeled a troublemaker? Aren’t we all in this together? The label suggests that there is something to protect against. It suggests that the group is dependent on the existence of certain behaviors, beliefs and ideas to sustain … Read More

How To Stop Absorbing Other People’s Energy

Mary Kay ParkinsonEmotional And Mental Health, Energy Healing11 Comments

  HSPs frequently ask me how to protect themselves from other people’s energy.  I always tell them that there is no quick and easy answer. People are frequently looking for a shield or want to learn how to create an energy bubble.  The truth is, if you know your own issues, then other people’s issues can’t stay attached to you, or not for long.  You need to do your personal work. For me, that personal work involved many years of therapy.  I loved this process because as an HSP I enjoy looking inside and sorting out what I find.  I had been depressed for most of my life until I took the time to go through this deep inner process that helped to clarify and reframe my issues and experiences.  Out of that inner work I developed a deep capacity to protect myself through being centered in myself and therefore naturally knowing (or being able to sort out) what belongs to me and what belongs to someone else.  I also grew to love myself and my sensitivity, as well as trust in my own heart to guide me. Inner Work Will Help You To Stop Absorbing Other People’s Energy Recently I saw an exceptional video by Ralph Smart on how to stop absorbing other people’s energy. Have a look! He gave the best answer to “How to stop absorbing other people’s energy” that I have ever heard.  I like his video because he doesn’t try to oversimplify the process, and yet gets right to the heart of the core issues involved, including loving yourself.   And here is a summary of what Ralph has to say: Remember you can’t please everyone.  Accept that not everyone is going to like you.  Once you get past that, then you can stop absorbing … Read More

Love Your Defenses!

Maria HillEmotional And Mental Health, Personal Development, Social Anxiety0 Comments

So many defenses. I feel like my life is often about bumping into defenses of one kind or another. Dealing with defenses feels like walking through a field of hay.  With each step you meet  a new stalk(defense) that obscures your vision and parts as you walk only to reveal a new defense. Often the defenses I bump into are the defenses of other people. I dislike bumping into them because in doing so the relationships changes – often not for the better. When defenses show themselves, the relationship door usually closes even if only for a moment and we realize we are not welcome. That happens to highly sensitive people a lot. Of course, sometime defenses are our own because we get hurt and our healing is not easy. What Are Defense Mechanisms? According to Dictionary, a defense mechanism is an unconscious process, like denial, that protects an individual from unacceptable or painful ideas or impulses. Defenses are a way for us to: like ourselves in painful circumstances make sense of something that does not work for us  taking care of ourselves. Defenses can sometime be a kind of denial. Denial has a bad reputation because it is interpreted to mean that there is something wrong with you, that your are too weak to face the truth about something. Denial like all defenses are often meant to protect us from a shock to our systems, and sense of loss that we are unable to process and handle. Defenses Can Create A Healing Space I respect defenses even if I consider them to be toxic sometimes; I understand that they have a purpose. In the case of people who have suffered a serious trauma they can be life saving by creating a space for the healing process. I don’t think anyone should be denied their healing space. We highly sensitive people are often harmed, … Read More

Why HSPs Have Trouble With Controlling People

Maria HillCreativity, Emotional And Mental Health22 Comments

If you are alive, you have met controlling people. Controlling people can drive anyone crazy, but If you are a highly sensitive person, you may find the effect of controlling very difficult to live with. Controlling people can certainly have that effect on me. Controlling people will probably not understand why their behavior is problematic for you, the HSP. Each HSP, however, needs to understand that controlling people can be very bad for their health. Why Do People Control? Most people only want to be happy. Many believe that controlling themselves and others is a method to achieve the desired result of happiness. Some of the reasons people try to control others include: they have low amounts of trust possible because of negative experiences they think they are more competent they have deep seated prejudices about right and wrong they have been taught fear they perceive themselves as better and/or more “normal” than others  Controlling people sometimes assume that others want and need what they want and need. Although we all have needs and desires in common, over generalizing about other people is a mistake that controlling people often make. Controlling people often treat others as an extension of their needs and desires. In extreme cases, the person is narcissistic in demanding that they be catered to. So one reason that controlling people control is to get their needs met. The Hidden Agenda Of Controlling People It is fairly easy to recognize that controlling people are trying to get their needs met as we have discussed. Controlling behavior also has a social function: to maintain their comfort level which they do by enforcing social norms and conforming behavior. One thing I have noticed about controlling people is that they often have a wall around them. You can detect it in … Read More

Masking Our Sensitivity

Edward BonapartianCreativity, Emotional And Mental Health, HSP Traits12 Comments

It’s two days before Halloween as my wife and I head to our favorite Italian restaurant in the city.  Entering the foyer of the restaurant, I notice a message written on the chalkboard listing the night’s specials. In addition to mussels with plenty of garlic and Venetian zuppa de peoci soup, a psychic is also on the menu tonight. “This should be good”, I tell my wife as we walk through the dimly lit dining room to a booth along the far wall. I had recognized the psychic’s name written on the chalkboard; a local woman named Carol well known in the area for her accurate readings on a local radio show. Our antipasto has just been served as the nights entertainment begins. Sitting on a stool in the front of the room, I notice as Carol politely refuses an appetizer brought over by the owner stating that she doesn’t eat before reading for people. Noticing the owner’s surprise she explains that the food will make her sleepy and affect her energy. It was an awkward moment; the food in this restaurant was some of the best in the area and I don’t think the owner ever had one of his dishes refused especially when he decides to serve it to her personally. But she stayed true to herself; not letting social pressures distract her from the job at hand. Taking note of her behavior, I was pleased to see her actions embrace her identity. Our main course was served as Carol began to walk around the room, stopping at each table. Since we were sitting over by a far wall, we had pretty well finished our meal by the time she arrived. Talking to my wife first, she addressed some health and career concerns my wife had before turning … Read More